Divorce and separation are emotionally turbulent experiences, challenging our sense of self and leaving us in uncertainty. In these trying times, understanding, and harnessing the research-backed strategy of self-affirmation can be a beacon of resilience. At its core, self-affirmation is a psychological technique that involves reflecting on personal values, as highlighted in a study by Cascio et al. (2016). In other words, consider self-affirmation as a coach for your psyche, pushing you toward positive behavioural shifts, even when faced with the tumultuous journey of a divorce.
Let’s delve into some of the research.
Psychological Threats and the Armor of Self-Affirmation
A meta-analysis conducted by Cohen and Sherman (2014) delves into the psychology of change through self-affirmation. In the face of psychological threats such as life-threatening illness, war, loss of a job, prejudice, or, in our context, divorce, self-affirmation acts as a shield. These threats, such as stress and emotional turmoil, can cloud our judgment and decision-making abilities. The meta-analysis found that self-affirmation consistently demonstrates a moderate to large effect on positive change in behaviour and attitudes across diverse outcomes. However, not all self-affirmation interventions are created equal. The researchers noted that the art of affirmation extends beyond a mere pen-and-paper exercise in that:
- The type of intervention matters. Writing about personal values proves more effective than mere contemplation.
- The effectiveness of affirmations hinges on their focus. Narrow, self-centred values or integrity tied to external standards tend to be less effective than affirmations rooted in values transcending the self or those grounded in less conditional sources of integrity, such as being loved.
- Affirmations prove most beneficial either before encountering threatening information or immediately afterward. They act as a shield, reducing defensiveness and helping people be more open to positive change.
- Once people engage in defensive rationalization, affirmations lose their power.
- Affirmations extend beyond the written word; they encompass creating affirming events, reminders, or meanings. This ability to incorporate positive elements into one’s life contributes not only to mental well-being but also to overall health.
A Catalyst for Positive Health Behavior Change in Challenging Times
Shifting the focus to another study, a meta-analysis by Epton et al. (2015) showcases the transformative potential of self-affirmation on health behaviour. The researchers reviewed 41 studies on the impact of self-affirmation on health behaviour and found that it had up to a moderate positive effect on promoting healthy habits. Notably, self-affirmation was especially effective for individuals initially resistant to health messages or at high risk for unhealthy behaviours.
Self-affirmation is not just a mental exercise; it’s a catalyst for positive change. This research highlights the significance of self-affirmation to trigger healthy behaviour. In contexts such as divorce, where mental and emotional well-being are crucial, self-affirmation could help individuals be empowered to make healthier choices and navigate challenging life transitions more effectively.
Self-Affirmation as a Mental Resilience Booster
Cascio et al. used fMRI, a brain-scanning technique, to explore the effects of self-affirmation on brain activity. Participants were divided into two groups: those who wrote about a personal value that was important to them (self-affirmation condition) and those who wrote about an unimportant value (control condition).
The results revealed that self-affirmation boosted activity in specific brain regions:
- Areas associated with self-related processing help us understand ourselves and our place in the world.
- Regions involved in reward processing are responsible for feelings of pleasure and motivation.
- Areas related to emotional regulation help us manage and respond to our emotions.
Additionally, when combined with thinking about the future (future orientation), self-affirmation increased activity in brain regions associated with:
- Cognitive control aids in planning, decision-making, and focusing on tasks.
- Emotional regulation helps us manage and respond to our emotions.
Participants in the self-affirmation and future orientation condition reported feeling better about themselves and being in a better mood than those in the control condition. This study suggests that self-affirmation can influence brain activity in ways that promote motivation and well-being. Moreover, it highlights the potential benefits of combining self-affirmation with future orientation to enhance these effects.
Practical Strategies for Integrating Self-Affirmation
To make these research insights applicable in day-to-day life, here are practical strategies:
- Define your core values: Identify the values that define you. Write them down, creating a tangible reminder of your strengths. Example: Take some time for self-reflection. Identify values that resonate with you, such as honesty, compassion, or perseverance. Write them down in a list or create a vision board as a tangible reminder of the qualities that define your character and strengths.
- Journal your affirmations: Maintain a journal expressing your thoughts and affirmations. This provides a structured space to reinforce positive self-perception. Example: Set aside a few minutes daily to journal your thoughts and affirmations. Write about your achievements, positive qualities, and moments of personal growth. For instance, “I am resilient and capable of overcoming challenges,” or “I am worthy of love and respect.”
- Future-oriented reflections: Combine self-affirmation with a forward-looking mindset. Envision a future beyond the current challenges, emphasizing personal growth. Example: Envision the person you want to become post-divorce. Picture a future filled with personal growth, happiness, and new opportunities. Write affirmations that reflect this vision, such as “I am actively working towards a brighter future” or “I embrace change and view challenges as opportunities for growth.”
- Values beyond the self: Focus on values that transcend individual interests. Cultivate affirmations around qualities like compassion, resilience, and contributions to the well-being of others. Example: Shift your focus from individual interests to broader values. Affirmations could include statements like “I contribute positively to the well-being of those around me” or “My compassion towards others enhances my sense of fulfillment.”
- Acknowledgment of threats: Recognize the psychological threats associated with divorce. Counteract them with affirmations that reinforce your worth and potential. Example: Counteract these threats with affirmations emphasizing your worth and potential, such as “I am resilient in the face of challenges” or “I possess the strength to navigate uncertainty with grace.”
Personal Story
I had never tried self-affirmation before, but during my divorce, I was desperate to regain a sense of control over my life. Tired of feeling sorry for myself, I decided to take action. I knew that self-affirmation might yield little results, but I was determined to try it. After all, as with gardening, the seeds of change take time to grow.
At first, it felt awkward to affirm myself, but over time, I felt more confident and in control. Reminding myself of my values and strengths, such as resilience and the ability to navigate uncertainties with grace, was my starting point. Focusing on future goals and aspirations, I imagined a better life filled with adventure and positively impacting others. These affirmations were repeated daily, even when I didn’t feel like it.
Slowly but surely, I began to notice a change. My outlook on life improved, and I felt more positive and hopeful. I started to view my divorce as a challenging chapter in my life rather than a defining event. The self-affirmations helped me realize that the immediate threat I was facing was just one small part of my much more significant life.
Today, I still use self-affirmation when facing major threats or challenges. It has become a powerful tool in my mental and emotional toolkit, providing me with a calming perspective and a sense of control. Self-affirmation has helped me understand that “this too shall pass” and that I have the strength and resilience to navigate life’s obstacles.
Conclusion
During divorce and separation, self-affirmation emerges as a psychological strategy and a transformative force. When applied deliberately, it’s a sophisticated tool that empowers individuals to navigate the challenges of divorce with an enhanced sense of self and a resilient outlook on the journey ahead.
If you’re currently going through a divorce or separation or know someone who is, remember that support is available. For more resources visit the Healing Hub and for daily SplitCoach support and affirmations follow us @healthysplit
References
Cascio, C. N., O’Donnell, M. B., Tinney, F. J., Lieberman, M. D., Taylor, S. E., Strecher, V. J., & Falk, E. B. (2016). Self-affirmation activates brain systems associated with self-related processing and reward and is reinforced by future orientation. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 11(4), 621–629. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsv136
Cohen, G. L., & Sherman, D. K. (2014). The Psychology of Change: Self-Affirmation and Social Psychological Intervention. Annual Review of Psychology, 65(1), 333–371. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-010213-115137
Epton, T., Harris, P. R., Kane, R., van Koningsbruggen, G. M., & Sheeran, P. (2015). The Impact of Self-Affirmation on Health-Behavior Change: A Meta-Analysis. Health Psychol, 34(3), 187-196. doi: 10.1037/hea0000116.
Disclaimer
The information provided by HealthySplit is general and is not tailored to specific individuals or situations. It does not replace professional advice, and the content may not cover all aspects or laws related to the topics discussed. Some details and information in the blogs may have been altered to safeguard the privacy and personal information of the writers.
